Kids Set To Become Smarter Than Teachers

Michael Gove’s radical overhaul of schools could leave many teachers not as smart as pupils, claim educational experts.

Michael Gove’s Education White Paper has sparked a furious reaction in the teaching profession by suggesting that schools should encourage good behaviour by reverting to traditional blazer and tie uniforms.  Teachers and teaching unions have erupted in fury at the government’s plans claiming that thousands of teachers will be left looking less smart than the children they teach.

Inner city teacher John Price is outraged by the prospect of having to teach children more smartly presented than himself:  “It will be humiliating.  I regularly wear undersized chinos and a pair of those asexual shoes you get from Topman which are halfway between trainers and formal shoes, and which Barbie might have Ken wear.  Unless I can be bothered to iron a shirt and put on a tie I’ll be faced with no option but to appear less smart than the children I teach.  It’s ludicrous!”

Too smart for their own good say teachers

Jane Seaton works in an all-boys school in Lancashire: “I wear strappy tops because they look nice and offer a suggestion of my breast shape,” she said yesterday. “Ultimately it will be children that suffer from Gove’s reforms.”

Thousands of teachers have already contacted their unions asking if the government is acting lawfully. Tony Chalmers is the General Secretary of SNALTWU:  “Many of our members have already contacted us and are deeply concerned about the proposed changes.  The majority of the calls we’ve taken have come from our male members and have been about stains on ties.”

Gove’s plans to smarten up school children come at a particularly bad time for Learning Support Assistant Kate Hutchinson.  “I’m really disappointed.  I’ve just had a tattoo done on my left shoulder.  If I’d known about the plans for blazers and ties I probably wouldn’t have bothered - I’m even thinking about covering it up at school.”



Andy Bartlett, President of The Association of Cartoon Tie and Open-Ended Footwear Manufacturers described yesterday’s announcement as ‘very worrying.’