Tuesday, 8 March 2011
My Dear Jerusalem,
I have completed The Bitter Root and now feel sufficiently equipped to deal with my charges (wayward, or otherwise) for the remainder of my dwindling career. I have today purchased a new Toilet Book and a goodly vessel in which to catch the many children's tears I hope to engender over the coming weeks and months. If I ever again refer to a group of children as "guys" then I shall spend a period of time in The Pennance Room (my stock cupboard) until I feel that I have purged myself of this appalling Americanism; for – as you correctly point out - it is only in a vain effort to impress the mobile majority that I perpetuate such a crass and shallow piece of nomenclature in the first place.
Your humble servant,
Post-script: Do I know the Mistress of Divinity to whom you refer in the book?
Dear Mr Henwick,
God bless you, Sir, for your frank admission, though I am sure I have never heard you call the young scholars 'guys'.
I find that, once empty, the tiny bottles of soy sauce found in portions of supermarket sushi make excellent starter kits for those wishing to avail themselves of all the benefits visited upon that number who make it their business to collect children's tears in a bottle. I have always suggested the aforementioned receptacle to student teachers operating under my guidance and I have never observed them to have been ill served by my so doing.
With regards to the Mistress of Divinity; she was, and, I believe, still is, one Miss A_____ P_____, formerly of N_____ T_____ School and now of London town. I can only hope that you have been blessed with the good fortune to know her, for I am, Sir,
Your most humble and obedient servant,